The Clumsy American

In the newly renovated daily marketplace in S.A.

Valentine's Day tulips

In spite of the fact that I feel completely included and accepted here, I have been known to commit certain faux pas that simply go along with living in a different culture. No matter how prepared you are when you visit a foreign country, or how much you think you know about it, there are always cultural differences that lie under the surface of which you might not be aware. The first time I made an embarrassing cultural mistake was just three days into my visit here. It was the day we were leaving Mexico City and traveling to Hidalgo. Lina, one of the teachers at the school, had come to pick us up. After we met, she introduced me to a fellow named Alberto. Not knowing who he was or what his relationship was to her, I asked if he was the driver, perhaps making an assumption about class. They laughed uncomfortably, and informed me that, no, he was one of the teachers at the school, who had come along to navigate while she, in fact, drove. I'm sure I turned a bright shade of red, and thought I would never live it down, but, after that, every time I saw him, he'd refer to himself jokingly as my chauffeur. We laugh about it to this day. 

Not long after we moved into our house, I was wanting the windows washed. I'd do it myself, but they are impossible to reach from the outside. I thought maybe a cleaning person would have the equipment to do the job, but where to find one? One day, a lady came to visit my neighbor, a person dressed, in my mind, for heavy work, and I asked if she was the cleaner. She nicely informed me that she was not. I skulked away, wishing I would learn to keep my mouth shut.

Then there's the matter of what to bring when someone has a party: food? No, that might insult the cook. Wine? Maybe, but what if they don't drink? We know plenty of people here who don't. Flowers? Maybe. But what if it's a child's party? We were invited to one not long ago, and I brought as a gift this cute water bottle shaped like a donut in shades of pink and purple - for a little girl, right? We get to the party to find that this sweet child is obsessed with some hideous blue monster that's on some cartoon or other, and there was nothing pink in sight. I will never know if she liked the gift because she didn't open it then and there. In fact, we left before the cake was served, which was probably an offense, but, once we were making our good-byes, it was too late to turn back. 

Another party - in the front patio with neighbors

One of the clumsiest moments I've had was when Cristina took us to the archeological site in Tula. Afterward, we went to eat in a fairly nice restaurant. There were about eight of us in the group, and I thought that it would be nice for Jon and I to pay, partly just to avoid figuring out the bill but also because they had driven us all that way and showed us all around Tula, and I wanted to pay them back for their kindness. So I went to the waitress and handed her a card, letting her know I wanted to pick up the tab. When Cristina asked for the bill and the waitress said it had been handled, Cristina's face took on an expression of absolute shock. When I told her I'd paid, she was speechless, but not with gratitude. She was angry - trying hard to contain it - but genuinely angry. I couldn't understand her reaction at all. Finally, once she calmed down, she and the others explained that when a Mexican person invites you to eat, they pay. Period. We were their guests, and it was insulting that we paid. It was almost like flaunting our wealth (which of course we don't exactly possess). We talked it out and I apologized profusely and then we were able to laugh about it, but I learned a big lesson that day in Mexican etiquette. 

Jon and I are learning the indigenous
language of this area, Hñahñu,
in this weekly class

Finally, though this is hardly the last gaff I've committed or probably will commit, my school coordinator, Rico, had been wanting to take us to one of the towns that Mexico has designated as magical, Real del Monte. However, between his schedule and ours, we could never settle on a date. Finally, on one of my days off, Jon and I decided to just go. Who knew when we'd be able to coordinate with Rico? And so we went. Later that very day, I got a text from him: "Shall we go to Real del Monte tomorrow?" With great embarrassment and amid profuse apologies, I texted him to let him know we'd gone that morning. I don't think he was all too pleased, but he's learned to forgive my awkward ways, or at least I think he has because he's always so very kind to me. 

Some of the students in my English Workshop
working on a map of the world. 

Otherwise, life has been calm these past few weeks. We bought a couple of old bikes and have been riding them around the town, usually late in the afternoon when it's cool. Something about it reminds me of kayaking because, if you take the back roads and head out into the countryside, the wind is in your hair and the setting sun is caressing your face; you feel free, at one with nature. We ride past corn and alfalfa fields, and houses in various phases of construction. The grey/blue hills rise in the distance and you think to yourself, "this is Mexico." Unlike what you hear on the news, so serene, and so very safe. We've been musing on what it would take to own a place here, maybe even the place we're living in now, but that will require a lot of negotiation and figuring out of things that we may not have the means or wherewithal to do. I'm not talking about not returning to the states - just maybe having a way to come back to this place that is such an unlikely getaway destination. Yet we're so completely in love with it, how do we say good-bye forever? I'm not going to think about that now. Maybe I'll just focus on behaving correctly, as much as I possibly can.

This is a video of a Valentine's Day party for the teachers. We chose names out of a hat to exchange gifts, and enjoyed food from a local restaurant. Listen, and you'll hear one of the teachers beautifully singing Rihanna's "Love on the Brain."

Fulfillment

Stairs in Real del Monte

I'm now able to talk about my literary project because it's finally coming to fruition. It's taken just about three months. I don't know what I expected, exactly, because it's kind of a complex project. My idea was to gather a group of women to do a writing workshop for the purposes of self-expression in Spanish. They would be able to write about anything or in any genre: memoir, poetry, stories, essays, novels, recipes, or anything that serves as a means of self-expression for them. I was hoping to attract women who have already delved into some form of writing as well as those who never have. I was willing to work with women remotely, in other parts of Mexico, but mostly I was hoping to work with them in person here in San Agustín. 

The Harvest, Tepatepec

Here are the problems that arose: Fulbright wanted me to do this project specifically here in the community, though they didn't make that clear until I arrived in Mexico. I had already connected with some artists I knew in Mexico, who put me in touch with writers quite distant from San Agustín, and soon after I arrived, we started working together by zoom. There are four of them, and they are all brilliant. So that part was good. But I could not, for the life of me, get women in this area interested. It is, after all. a very rural area, and writing just didn't seem to be a popular pastime for women who are working hard and raising children and more concerned with day-to-day life than with self-expression, and who can blame them? 

I call this the saint of LGTBQ+

And yet, a miracle occurred. After three months of my handing out flyers and sending them by text to local women I know, and talking to people all over town, including the teachers at the school, a small but fierce woman named Cristina made it happen for me. Cristina is a PhD in Chemistry who teaches at my university. I edited a research paper of hers that she'd translated into English, but that had been rejected because of the mistakes. So, I fixed them, and it was accepted. I considered this, at the time, part of my literary project because at least it was working on writing with a person in the community though the paper was extremely technical. Since then, I've edited two more for other professors. Anyway, I told her I was trying to get people interested in my workshop and she said she'd find them. Two months later I'd given up hope and was thinking of pivoting altogether to just doing English conversation groups, which was not really what I wanted, when she texted me that she had nine women ready to join the writing workshop. We met yesterday afternoon for the first time - ELEVEN highly motivated women, plus more who are planning to attend in the future. We had an amazing workshop, will meet one more time before Christmas, and then start again in the new year; and, since this is a university-sponsered workshop now, the participants will receive credit. To give you an idea of some of the projects the women have in mind: Cristina wants to write children's books about science, and the history of the region, in three languages: the indigenous Otomí, Spanish, and English. Another wants to do indigenous and family recipes in the same way, and some just want to spruce up their writing in preparation for their masters' theses. Others are not sure yet but I gave everyone a writing prompt to prepare for our next meeting to get them off and running. I am completely over the moon. This is what I've wanted from this fellowship from the beginning and it's happening! Oh, and get this, they want to call the group: "Precaución, mujeres escribiendo," which means, "Caution, women writing."  I LOVE IT!

17th Century Convent in Actopan

Another reason I'm feeling particularly fulfilled is that our house is finally getting to where we want it to be. We, along with our landlord, have done as many repairs as is reasonable for the time being, we've furnished and decorated it to our satisfaction, and it feels really comfortable and beautiful. Maybe we've spent a little more money on a house that we're only going to live in for nine months than we should have, but we always knew we'd probably have to do that. Finding a furnished place in this area is impossible and we began to see that before we came, though the dining set, sofa, and antique sewing machine were already in the house. It has been a kind of art project for us, especially since we've created actual art to put in it. Many of the things we've used to decorate are everyday objects we've picked up at the marketplace and put on the walls such as palm mats, blankets, ponchos, and dried chiles and herbs. One of my friends here said it looks like a Mexican grandmother's house, which made us laugh. 

Post Thanksgiving Gathering with Friends

I will admit the house is a little chilly because none of the houses here have heat. We have bought two small space heaters but they only go so far. It's also kind of echo-y and still has only one door, on one bathroom. The other bathroom and the bedrooms only have partitions to provide privacy. That said, if you are reading this and you are at all tempted to come and visit us in this magical part of Mexico, please come! We love to have visitors! You will have a comfy, but small, guest room, with some, but not total privacy (enough to get dressed without being observed at least). 

Painting on palm mat entitled: Time Machine

Below, and sprinkled throughout this post, you'll find photos of our house, which we hope will entice you, and also pictures of some cool places we've visited as of late such as the beautiful town of Actopan, the archeological site of Tula, and the actual Magical Town (that's an official designation) of Real del Monte. There's so much to see and do here, and so much to love. I feel very fulfilled in this place. I hope you will be too. 

Our house: 

Street in Real del Monte

Center plaza

18th Century Church

Monument to the miners

Coolest bathroom in the world

These figures represent great warriors

View from a distance - see the people on top for scale

Pyramid of the Sun

The site of many human sacrifices

Wall carvings

A dormant volcano, sacred to the Toltecs